Knitting is more than just a hobby to me. Since I began knitting four years ago, I spend several hours each day knitting and reading about knitting. One of my friends refers to this activity as my "knitting career." That's no joke. Knitting took the place of part of my career when I moved from a full-time to a part-time occupation. As a time-filler and focus of concentration, it has performed well. Really, that's all I need it to do, fill the odd hours and prevent boredom.
It has occurred to me that I usually expect more from knitting, perhaps too much more. I don't think I'm alone in this. I'm sure many of the knitters with whom I am most familar, those I "see" online, have expectations of beautiful knitted objects. Many of them expect to impress others with their skill and knowledge. These expectations come with their own burdens, requiring a certain level of performance and creating disappointment when the outcome is less than expected. However, there's another, more hidden expectation.
Recently, one of my favorite bloggers, Saffron, author of the
Make Do and Mend blog, wrote:
"Knitting isn't supposed to be the thing that makes me feel overwhelmed and gloomy. It is supposed to be the good bit."
How "right" that statement feels to me! I expect my knitting to be enjoyable. Although it has been good for me, filling hours with calming, enjoyable and engaging activity, it also has had its bad moments. Like most other activities, my knitting has its moments of drudgery, boredom, and unsatisfactory outcomes. I've never questioned this, assuming that even the most successful knitters must occasionally feel frustrated. I don't expect it to be all "gravy." I'm afraid, however, that I have been expecting it to be enjoyable, rewarding and exciting.
This expectation creates a problem. The more I expect, the less I enjoy the process, the more I worry about the result, and the more disappointed I am in the outcome. The fact that my expectations of my knitting are colored by the expectations and performance of other knitters further complicates the issue. Seeing what others have knit is both inspiring and discouraging. I envy their projects, their photos, their enthusiasm. At the same time, I'm thrilled by their successes and intrigued by their observations. Equally, I'm delighted to receive praise from other knitters and disappointed that I didn't get more. It seems there's always the "bad bit" along with the "good bit."
No doubt this is a complex issue, and not one that is unique to knitting. However, since knitting is an optional task for me, I'd like to reduce the bad to free up more time for good. My plan for this is simple--reduce my expectations. I took a step toward this last weekend:
Finishing one sweater, I immediately cast on and finished another, a simple little sweater that provided a simple little end to a big group of expectations.
These two sweaters* are my numbers 10 and 11 for the NaKniSweMoDo knit-a-long. Once they are dry, photo'd and posted, I have only one more left and over two months to knit it. I'll finish this 12-project knit-a-long with a dream sweater; ending NaKniSweMoDo with NaKniDreSwe. There's a few sweaters that I have dreamed of knitting but never did. I put off knitting the Equinox Yoke Pullover for three years because I did not have the skills or the right yarn to begin. I will begin it as my 12th sweater of the year.
I've learned enough about fair-isle knitting to start this sweater. It doesn't appear to be difficult. It will involve working with my favorite yarn, alpaca, in some of my favorite colors. While the fit might be problematic, plenty of others have dealt with the issues with this pattern and have left suggestions on Ravelry to assist anyone who tries it now. Even so, I don't feel at all compelled to finish it by the end of the year. Just starting my twelfth sweater this year is enough. I hope it will be a happy sweater, one that I will enjoy knitting. If not, I will simply abandon it and use the yarn for something else.
Perhaps by letting go of some of my expectations, I'll enjoy more of the "good bit". In the repetition of the task of knitting, I'll find the calm. In the pleasure of the prettiness of the fabric, I'll find enough reward.
Not that it hasn't been a good KAL, motivating me to knit up a lot of my stash and inspiring me with plenty of photos of beautiful knitted sweaters. There were several sweaters that I thoroughly enjoyed knitting. Now, I am weary of this year of regimented, one-sweater-after-another projects, each with a deadline. It will be lovely to let go and let my inspiration direct the project. How far will I go? For example, why stop at striped socks or even striped knee socks when I can knit striped over-the-knee socks. Why stop at a normal afghan when I can knit a huge one? Why not 18 colors in a fair isle project instead of 9? Why not knit 6 projects at once instead of concentrating on one so I can finish it in a month? In fact, why not just let go and let be and see if I finish even one?
Even if it is only one, it might be the best one ever. Or just the funnest.
*Finished up the Scoop Pullover for me and then knit a First Frost Capelet in a couple of days, thanks to size 11 needles, Paton's Rumor yarn and the small size of the person for whom it was knit.